"Me and alcohol have a love/hate relationship. We're in a fight right now, but we're making up tonight." - Unknown

Thursday, April 8, 2010


I know you're all probably wondering how I have such epic drunken nights. Well, there is a lot of planning and preparation that goes into having the perfect night full of intoxication. I have broken down my routine that I do every single time before I start to drink and it goes a little something like this:

Rule One: LCBO
The perfect night out always starts with the right choice of alcohol. When picking the alcohol you will be consuming for the night, you must keep in mind a couple things: 1) you are what you drink, 2) it's cool to spice it up every once and awhile and 3) you can never have too much rum. For me, I know what kind of night I will be having from the type of alcohol that I drink. Rum = always epic drunk times while wine = way too drunk to even know my own name times. People always say not to mix different types of alcohol but I mean, if you gotta play Flip Cup, then you gotta play Flip Cup. I'd say, "the more the merrier" in this case.

Rule Two: Nap/Shower
For girls, one of the best things about a night out is getting ready. A nap is a necessity before you drink your night away. This way, after resting, you will be alert and aware of everything that is going on around you (for the most part). Starting to drink at nine and being tired by ten is never any fun so take at least an hour nap before diving in to the wonderful world of drinking. Next, SHOWER because no one likes a smelly drinking buddy. By doing this, the night will be stink free and you can feel better about yourself the morning after.

Rule Three: Music
Almost the same as picking the right alcohol, picking the right type of music to listen to while you're getting ready and also while you're drinking can make or break your night. If you're going to a club, listen to the latest hits on the radio OR just listen to Gaga on repeat (who the fuck doesn't like her?). If you're going to a bar, listen to some upbeat music, anything that will get you in the mood for some crazy drunkness. Don't be afraid to sing and dance while listening to your music, it will only put you in a great mood and it's always a great workout.

Rule Four: Outfit
Once again, your outfit should fit in to where you are going that night. Wearing a pair of ripped jeans and a wife beater is not appropriate for any club, well maybe The Vault because they are fucking sketchbags there. If you're going to a chill, sit down bar, jeans and a t-shirt is perfectly acceptable, especially when there is karaoke involved. Also, ask your friends what they are wearing so you don't look like a douchebag wearing your prom dress while they're all in flats and a skirt.

Rule Five: Drink, Drink, Drink
No one likes drinking alone, so, when you're planning a night out (or even a night in with drinking), invite some friends over. This is where all the four previous steps come into handy: 1) you have the right alcohol to get wasted with, 2) you are well rested and freshly showered aka ready to part-ay, 3) you have been listening to your favourite music in order to get you pumped for the night and 4) you are dressed for the part and can show off what you are wearing to your friends.

*Please proceed with caution when taking these rules into consideration in order to have the most epic and amazing night ever. Be prepared to have a blast and get pretty fucking wasted. I will not be held responsible for any damage that is caused to buildings, bodies or egos while using this technique. Drink safely, my friends.*


  1. hahaha love those rules, especially the nap and music part! I'm like a toddler, i dont function w/out my nap!

  2. Haha, same. Naps are always a must!