"Me and alcohol have a love/hate relationship. We're in a fight right now, but we're making up tonight." - Unknown

Thursday, July 8, 2010


This past Saturday, I went to Toronto's Pride Parade with my friends Abby and Marie. I went last year but I must say, this year was my favourite year so far. I can't even really describe the amazingness of Pride to you guys... it's really just something you have to experience for yourself. Abby and I had a little adventure on the GO Train, then went to Marie's house to predrink, where we listened to some Green Day (a must) and came up with a new dance move called "The T.T." (Tina Turner). After realizing how wasted we all were, we decided it was time to venture to downtown T.O. where all the magic was happening. Now, I can't really tell you all the events that occurred because, well, I was pretty facking wasted. All I know is that I took a bunch of pictures with half naked men, saw Cyndi Lauper and ate a Fillet o Fish at McDonald's for the first time. My favourite part of the entire day was when we were watching these chicks perform to a Madonna song (I think it was "Vogue") and this wo[man] jumped on stage, she was wearing the lowest cut and shortest dress I have ever seen in my entire life, exposing her boobs and ass to the whole world. I mean, you could clearly tell that this woman was once a man but, if you got, flaunt it, right? This chick was honestly the hottest transsexual that I have ever seen in my life. She jumps on stage, dances for the whole song and at the end, DOES THE SPLITS and then continues to stay down in splits-form and hump the stage for a bit. Honestly, greatest thing I have ever seen in my life. I know I say this a lot, but I wish I wasn't so wasted so I could tell you the rest of my day/night because I know I had a blast. I did buy a penis lollipop, obviously it didn't last very long haha. It's hard to describe how fucking EPIC and AMAZING Gay Pride Parade is, as I just said in the beginning of this post and just realized now. ANYWAY, go to Pride, love the gays, watch some transsexuals on stage and always, ALWAYS make sure you wash behind your ears in the shower.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010


Alright, I've been slacking so this post will be the "Alcohol of the Month" for both June and July, hoookay? Great, glad we settled that. Now, for those of you who know me, know that I mainly stay within the same region of what type of alcohol I drink. I'm usually drinking rum or vodka but sometimes, when I'm feeling adventurous, I'll mix it up and throw a bit of wine into the picture but don't get too excited here folks, the "Alchy of the Month" isn't wine. I was debating between two different kinds of alchohol and after a great deal of calculations, experiments, surveys and just my love for a good solid time, I decided that the "Alcohol of the Month" is.....


I must say, the watermelon flavour is my favourite out of all the flavours that Smirnoff has. I have never really gotten sick of it, unlike some other flavours (GREEN APPLE, FACK MY LIFE) and feel as though I can really count on it for a good time. So, thank you, Smirnoff Watermelon Vodka for always being there for me and having my back... even when I have been too drunk to remember.

Monday, July 5, 2010


Where the fack have you guys been? I have been writing and writing and WRITING blogs and NO ONE has commented on any of them. Oh, no, waiiiit a second... where the fack have I been? Well, to be quite honest with you guys, I've been spending my summer working and not really doing much of anything else. I got drunk for the first time in like a month this past weekend (greatest day ever, I will explain in a post later) but other than, I literally do nothing else with my time. My life consists of the following: wake up, go to work, eat dinner, go to sleep and then do it all over again. I'm working like super crazy hours but that means lots of money so I'm like loving my life over here in B-Town. There IS another reason that I haven't been blogging much but I am way too frightened to tell you guys. Well, since you have nagged and nagged, I guess I have no choice but to tell you. I'm just going to come right out and say it... I have lost my humour. I'm not even joking with you guys right now. A couple weeks ago, I went through a midlife crisis (yes, I know I am only twenty but it's midlife for me since I plan on dying when I'm fourty while saying Tim Robbins from a burning building). See, here's the thing, I have my friend Will to blame for this midlife crisis because he is the one who stole my humour from me. I mean, most people steal cars, money, drugs, gum for their mother's purses, but this guy is going around and stealing people's humour.. and for that matter, MY humour. It all started when I moved back home for the summer after school was over (right now, you should all be staring off at the sky as if you are reminiscing about your own life). I started working at my job, where this so-called friend of mine also works. Now, I didn't notice it at first because well, he's a sneaky little bugger who hides theft extremely well, but, as time moved on, I noticed more and more that he was becoming funnier and funnier... until one day.. BAM, it hit me (not a truck, HIS HUMOUR). I can honestly say, that day was one of the worst days of my life. I couldn't decide what was worse, the fact that I wasn't funny anymore or the fact that he was the one that made me realize it. Honestly, I still don't know which one is worse... all I know is that they both mean the same thing: my funny bone has been broken. You may all think this is a joke, but I mean business here people. I make jokes, no one laughs... I put myself in danger to be funny, no one laughs... I EVEN STEAL JOKES FROM DANE COOK AND USE THEM AS MY OWN, no one laughs. I seriously am starting to believe that I am one of those people that people laugh AT and not WITH. I can't even really describe to you the thoughts that have been going through my mind these last couple months. A lot of anger, saddens, bitterness... definitely not funniness, I can tell you that for sure. I don't know what life is without humour. I can't imagine a day without laughter, without any sort of giggle. I find that I am the only one laughing at my jokes now. What kind of a life is that? I can't be known as the girl who laughs alone in a corner because no one will play with her? What is this even, Elementary School? I guess all I can say now is that the truth hurts. I, Christina Caroline, am no longer funny. So please be kind to me the next time you see me, I am a hurting grasshopper.