I HAD NO IDEA THAT KIRSTIE ALLEY REPRODUCED

After seeing the movie Nine, I realized how much Fergie and Kirstie Alley look alike. It's actually frightening...

If you don't think they look alike, then that's just ridiculous. And no, do NOT watch the movie Nine.

EVACUATE THE DANCEFLOOR

The Chili Pepper is officially the new Cottage, meaning a high school reunion happens every single time we go out in St. Catharines. I'm not really a fan of these because I hate pulling the whole, "OH HEY, how've you been? How's school going? What are you up to these days?" talk. The best thing to do in situations such as these: IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE... pretend as if you do not know the person at all... OR just act even more drunk than you are so that this person will not want to talk to you what-so-ever. However, there are some people that I love having this talk with... also known as a certain "rat" whom was way too intoxicated to be alive last night. Even though the words we exchanged are not remembered, I'm sure they were extremely special and meaningful. Many wonderful things occured at the bar last night. The first, I saw a gay boy couple dancing and macking on the dancefloor. I have never ever seen this before in my entire life, which is surprising. Well, I guess I just lied because I have seen that before but it was at Pride so I'm not counting that. Second, crazy bitches at McDonald's basically make my life. One word of advice to this girl: RELAX. I will not discuss this situation further because it is just too ridiculous to be put into words right now. Thirdly, someone vomed at the bar and basically stunk up the whole place... not really a fan of this and just so you know, Steph, it was not salsa. All in all, it was a pretty decent night. The best part of the night was when we yelled at Mr. Aymar's son telling him how amazing his dad is. Please, Bobby, get Facebook or perhaps return my calls. Words cannot describe how amazing Robert Aymar is; my favourite high school teacher, besdies Bonnie, of course. Also, seeing the boy who used to help out with the hockey team during high school was amazing. Seeing him last night reassured me that he still shops at the Baby Gap. To recap this blog: stay away from puke pretending to be salsa, get Bob Aymar a cellphone, ignore annoying people whenever you have the chance and ALWAYS make friends with your cab driver... especially when they're named Alfredo.

ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS ADVIL

So, Merry Christmas! I hope everyone spent lots and lots of time with their family and played outside in the snow... OH NO WAIT, there is no snow. One of the greatest things about Christmas, besides the music, is the snow. I was so sad to come home to there being absolutely no snow on the ground. Other than that, Christmas was basically the same this year as the others. My mom's side of the family came over yesterday; we exchanged gifts, played NHL 2K10 and ate way too much food. My family gatherings always end up in the same way; my uncle complains about how my mom makes instant coffee, my cousin and I drink way too much, we talk about how much my uncle loves the movie Dodgeball and my family seems way too concerned with the fact that I drink. Apparently me and my cousin are the alchs of the family because we are the only two who ever get wasted at family events. It's never something that we plan ahead or anything like that. I'll be pouring myself a drink, he'll look at me, I'll pass him the bottle of booze, no words are exchanged, just the glances between two people looking for a nice, solid mixed drink. My biggest regret from last night is starting to drink at six and not stopping till about eleven. Mistake number one: mixing beer, wine, whiskey and Bailey's. Just thinking about that right now is making me feel sick. I basically didn't sleep last night. I passed out for about two hours and woke up, dying of thirst and then was never able to go back to sleep. So, Santa, I would like to apologize for basically still being drunk while my family was opening gifts this morning. I have the worst hangover ... still and it's five freaking thirty. I'm not really sure what happened last night; all I remember is my grandma saying to me, "Christy, you no drinka anymora. You supposed to help in the kitchen because you a girl." Well, sorry, grams, I don't even remember dinner last night so it was probably for the best that I stayed away from any appliances. My grandma is Italian, just in case you're wondering. She had no problem with my male cousin being drunk, but whenever I took a sip of my drink, she gave me the dirtiest looks from across the room. Today, she can't stop talking about how angry she is with me for drinking. Well, I guess she won't be too happy when she finds out that I got two LCBO gift cards for Christmas.

DO GAY MEN BBQ?

I know that betches always say, "why are all the good men gay?" and I never actually believed that statement to be true until second year of university. Let me start off by saying that I have fallen in love with with not one but TWO gay men in the last year. Okay, not ACTUAL love but, how much true love can you feel for a gay man anyway? Can boys just start wearing signs that say "hey, I'm gay, don't love me?" I mean, seriously, it would save a lot of girls some serious heart break. The first boy (Film Boy), well, he's not actual love because I only spoke to him like twice in my entire life but he was just so nice. THE SECOND BOY... whom my roommates and close friends know ALL about.... well, he's... not gay? I ACTUALLY HAVE NO IDEA. Is he gay? Is he NOT gay? This piece of information would be greatly appreciated to know. I think I am finally coming to terms with the fact that he may actually be 'driving on the other side of the road', 'batting for the other team', 'playing poker on a Saturday night with Uncle Millie', 'baking oatmeal cookies for his neighbour', 'carving a pumpkin with Elton John during Thanksgiving'. You know, the usual sayings that people say about gays. What would happen if I was actually in love with this gay man? HOW would I even deal? I wonder if that actually happens... I'm sure it does.. EVERY SINGLE DAY. Can the gay boys just STOP being so attractive to us females? Also, is it possible to tell whether a person is gay from their Twitter? WHY DON'T I HAVE GAY-DAR?

GREEN DAY: ROCK BAND

We all know that Guitar Hero is CLEARLY better than Rock Band but when Rock Band and Green Day get mixed into one, who WOULDN'T buy this game?

http://www.rollingstone.com/rockdaily/index.php/2009/12/14/green-day-rock-band-video-game-due-in-2010/

COUGARS UNITE!

Why do cougars get such a bad rap? I mean, seriously, they're all over this world, why can't we just accept them for who they are? They could be the lady ringing you out at the grocery store, one of your professors at school, your mom's best friend, that lady who stares at you through your window when you undress at night, that lady outside of Failtes that Steph and I hit on, your Apex driving instructor, that woman who served you a burger at Wendy's last week, your brother's friend's cousin who shops at "Cougs R Us"... you see, they could be ANYONE. They are regular people... just like you and I. Who cares if they OCCASIONALLY like to hit on younger men. Cougars are hot, aren't they? I mean, come on, look at Courteney Cox. If a woman likes to spend her evening at Dirty Phil's talking up the youngsters and trying to get one of them in the sack.. then good for her! These women should be praised for what they are doing, not looked down upon! If someone asked me right now, "Christina, what would you like to be when you grow up?" I would say, with pride, "A COUGAR." That's right, I have no shame. What is a cougar, you may ask? Well, according to Urban Dictionary a cougar is: An attractive woman in her 30's or 40's who is on the hunt once again. She may be found in the usual hunting grounds: nightclubs, bars, beaches, etc. She will not play the usual B.S. games that women in their early twenties participate in. End state, she will be going for the kill, just like you. Associated with MILF's. We can learn from these cougars, ladies. I mean, seriously, isn't that what guys want? Just a girl who is DTF? I know if I were a guy, I would obviously go for the hot older woman who wants a one nighter as opposed to a younger chick who is expecting me to have breakfast with her parents the next morning. So please, next time you begin to judge and make fun of the cougar lifestyle, consider this blog and remind yourself that cougars are people too.

For all you cougar lovers out there: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93LhP1CgQ6w