BREWERY TOUR = A MUST

Last night, me and a couple of my roommates went to the Brick Brewery for a friend's birthday party and then to her house for the after party. Let me just say, if you have never been to a brewery tour in your life, GO RIGHT NOW AND DO IT. There wasn't much of a tour... the bartenders just told us what kind of beers they had, not to break our glasses and to get completely wasted. After my fourth beer, I don't really remember much and still have no idea how many beers I actually drank. We got there late and only had an hour and a half to drink as many beers as we could. Twenty bucks for all you can drink beer... I say that's a pretty fantastic deal. I'm not a big fan of beer and usually only drink it when we play flip cup but who wouldn't want to get completely wasted for only twenty bucks? The tour ended at nine o'clock and everyone left the brewery ridiculously drunk and made our way to the birthday girl's house for the after party. We took the bus there and one of the guys flagged the bus down for us and we all packed our way on it. We made friends with some German exchange students who were pretty cool but they declined our offer to come to the after party with us. So, we get to the house and start a dance party in the basement. Justin, MJ, Britney and obviously Timba blasted through the speakers all night. Upstairs, a guy started beat boxing and a girl began rapping to his beat box, like shit straight out of a movie. Then I request Don't Stop Believing and Ryan beat boxed while I sang the lyrics... greatest moment ever. Around twelve or so, Steph (my roomie) and I decided to leave and go to Chainsaw. We like to call these nights "Us Against the World" nights.. because well, it's Steph and I versus the world. We get to Chainsaw, make friends with some hot hicks boys and hang out with them for the rest of the night. We were in a dance contest and our friend Kassy won... and she got a t-shirt.... well, she actually just ripped it out of the bouncer's hands.. but whatever, it's till a win in my eyes. Again, the night ended with a slice of pizza because you can never have a drunken night without pizza, right? So, all and all, it was a great night. I suggest that all of you round up a bunch of friends and go to a brewery for a couple hours because well, who wouldn't want to be drunk by eight o'clock at night?

POETRY AND FAKE HAIRDRESSERS

I have a problem with lying... as in, I can't do it. I base a lot of who I am on honesty because I'm not a fan of liars, at all. If I were a black rapper I would say, "Imma be real wich chu" to you guys right now because that's exactly what I'm going to do. Another thing I have a problem with is saying "no" to people... so, basically, I give in to peer pressure very easily. Not to say that I would jump off a bridge because my friends were doing it but, I wouldn't say "no" if my friends pressured me to go out drinking on a Thursday if I had an exam on Friday. I have a couple stories to tell you that shows my a) need to tell the truth all the time and b) inability to say no....

Story #1:
I went to go see my English prof about one of my essays on Thursday. The class is a poetry class and all we do is talk about the importance of what the poet has written... but in ridiculous detail. We willl go into great detail about why the poet wrote three words in the same line beginning with an "s". It's just ridiculous. So, while I'm talking to my prof I'm telling her that poets didn't write certain things in order for people to study it the way we do and that we go into too much detail about their poems. Basically, told her that her class is just awful and there is no reason for it. THIS IS WHERE MY PROBLEMS COMES INTO PLAY. Why would I tell her all these things? She doesn't want to hear all that crap!

I can't lie to people... it's just completely impossible for me. If you ask me a question, I'll tell you the truth. Fuck, sometimes you don't even have to ask me a question and I'll pull the line, "I have a confession" and tell you the truth. One time, I was walking to Joe Dog's with some friends and I saw some guy I work with and I pretending as if I didn't see him when we walked by him. So, turns out he was going to the same place as us and he says hi to me... and I say, "oh, I didn't just see you over there by that car and pretend that I didn't see you". SERIOUSLY? I realize that was more than one story, whoops.

Story #2:
I was sitting in the dining hall at my school and this attractive thirty year old man came and sat beside me while I was doing my work. I was a little rattled when he sat down but didn't mind it because he was hot. So he starts telling me how he works at this salon and they have this sweet deal going on and he shows me this pamphlet with all the things you get with this deal. He tells me it's fourty dollars and that I have to pay him right there in order to get the deal. Then I was like, "what if this is a scam and you're just going to take my money?" So he tells me this deal is legit and I go, "okay but I don't have any money on me right now." Then he goes, "there's an ATM machine around the corner." At this point in time, any normal person would realize how much of a scam this is and would tell the guy to fuck off. What do I do? I run over to the ATM machine and give him fourty bucks. Will I ever see that fourty bucks again? NO FUCKING WAY. After actually reading the pamphlet he gave me, I saw all the spelling mistakes and when really looking at it, all I got out of this deal was a men's haircut. So thank you, Michael, you fucker.

A SOLUTION TO DRUNK TEXTING/DIALING

Last night was pretty fun... mainly because the night ended with a delicious slice of Four Seasons pizza. We didn't make it to the bar, again. Well, technically we made it there, we just didn't go inside because the line was long. I wish we actually waited in line because I love Chainsaw and it's basically one of my favourite bars. We had a bunch of people at our house last night and I'm pretty sure everyone had a great time... well, why wouldn't they? There isn't much to say about last night... we danced, we sang, we played flip cup and just had a blasty blast.

I want to tell you guys about my solution to drunk texting/dialing. For those of you who are guilty of this, please raise your hand. I KNOW YOU JUST RAISED YOUR HAND. So, I'm the biggest drunk texting/dialer out there... it's actually ridiculous. On Wednesday night, I came up with a solution to my problem: I wrote a drunk note to myself on my computer. You may not think that this is a solution but it totally is. Since I don't have Facebook, I have resorted to drunk e-mailing but now that I just leave notes for myself, I feel no need to write anything to anyone else. I will leave you with the notes that I have left myself for the last two nights....

Wednesday night:
its a comfort knowing that youre okay and that you just dont go out to crazy wild partiesi and love them more than everyuthing else in the world. this may not be undertstsadnble to you because not even taht word is understandable haha there ohn sysssysyssyessysyses im not going to aplogize for this email bedfause werll lets get serious im a b itch. but whatever i cant help it at all. philips.

Thursday night:
if eveyrhing dcoxcesn't work oput like you wantg it to, it will, it eventually will so please jusat straqy here and dont leaver befdcause its okay, its all okay ande evetrhyhijng is okay and youre okayu and eveyrhtijng is okayu evne thou8gh that chainson aw didnt happen everything is okay and youre okay and itsw all okay so please dont eventr thijngk that it isisnt because it ototally its. okay> ???!

I wish I started this before because it would be hilarious to look back and see the things that I said to myself.

CANVAS COSMETICS

My roommate Jen is amazing at makeup. She recently started a blog and everyone should check it out because it's AWESOME!!!

http://canvascosmetics.blogspot.com/

Because of her, I've started to get into makeup and watch tutorials more than I drink.... haha just kidding. BUT SERIOUSLY, check out her blog!

SONGS OF MY YOUTH

Okay, so I'm waiting until tomorrow to write a blog about the happenings of tonight. I wish I could write a blog about last night but, to be quite honest, I don't remember much. My favourite part of the night: when Jen and I danced the Macarena in our kitchen... for the whole song because you have to do the dance until the very end. I just wanted to write a quick blog for ya'll because I'm kind of bored and still recovering from last night. By the way, from now on, DP (Dirty Phil's) is now "Philip's"... for obvious reasons. SO my quick post is about some sick songs you guys should check out... they're pretty sweet....... if you're a pervert! Enjoy!

1. Play - David Banner
2. My Dick - Mickey Avalon
3. Juciy Pen - DJ Ozi
4. Short Dick Man - 20 Fingers
5. Fuck Her Gently - Tenacious D
6. All By Myself - Green Day
7. Every Six Seconds - O-Town
8. Get Down - B4-4
9. Fuck The Pain Away - Peaches

Okay, that's all I can really think of right now. So listen to those songs and love your life. I would post the links to them from YouTube but for some reason it's not working for me right now. I'm not ashamed to say that O-Town is great and to this day, I still love them.

I LOVE YOU, JOE DOG'S

I just had one of the greatest nights ever. I mean, who says you can't have fun when you're sober? Okay, I say that all the time but tonight I was one hundred percent sober and I loved my life at the bar; even the happenings AFTER the bar were just superb but I'll get into that later on. So, went to Joe Dog's with my two friends, Abby and Marie. Now, for those of you who don't know Joe Dog's... GET TO KNOW IT. I absolutely love Joe Dog's... mainly because of the sick arcade they have there. Joe Dog's reminds me of Chainsaw, except JD is much more hick than Chainsaw. Every Friday they have a live band... which is just fucking awesome because I love listening to live music (when it's good). One of my favourite parts of the night was when the band played Green Day (we requested it, of course). Marie and I were the only two dancing until these two drunk betches came over and stole our spotlight. OH, there was a hot cougar there and she was not impressed when I started dancing behind her but the band loved it. Before all this happened, Welcome To Paradise blasted through the speakers (not from the band) and Marie and I just loved our lives and sang along. People at table twelve were not happy and stared us down for the entire night but I pulled the line, "take a picture, it lasts longer" hahaha, good old elementary school. Anywhos, the bouncer loved us, absolutely wanted us and brought us suckers. As I was playing the lovely game Stack 'Em, the bouncer came up behind me and said "you can't play this game" as a joke and he scared the shit out of me so I screamed in his face (a scream of terror which will probably haunt him for the rest of his life). However, I apologized afterwards because I felt terrible. We left the bar, saw Marie's hick boyfriend and then went to the gas station. As I pumped the gas, Marie put on some Green Day and we sang and danced together. Once I was done, I started to clean the windows with the squeegee and then, as Marie played air drums, I strummed the squeegee to the guitar of the song. I felt like we were in a movie and cannot describe the amazingness of this event because you had to have been there. People drove by in their cars, honked at us because of the sick free concert they were getting at one in the morning. So, I guess what I'm saying is that you don't have to be trashed to sing and play air guitar to Green Day at a gas station, all you need is a drunk friend who is willing to sing and dance along with you.

THE SEARCH FOR A BLACK HOTTIE

This is the offical beginning of my search for a black husband. Now, you're probably thinking I'm crazy and wondering why I'm looking for a husband at the tender age of twenty but, let's be real, who wouldn't want a hot black man at this age? I'm not saying that I want to get married right now.. hell, I don't even really want to get married but all I want is a nice black man in my life. You know what? I would even be satisfied with a black man as just a good friend.... with benefits. NO, NO, I'm totally kidding. I feel like I have acomplished so much in my life when it comes to my friendships. Let's explore my friend history, shall we?

I have friends who are girls
I have friends who are gay
I have friends who are lesbians
I have friends who are guys
I have friends who are Asian
I have friends who are older than me
I have friends who are younger than me
I have friends who are a different religion than me
I have friends who live in a different city than me
I have friends who are addicts
I have friends who are smarter than me
I have friends who are dumber than me
I have friends who aren't really friends to me
I have friends who are black, but only girls
I have friends who watch porn more than me

What is missing from this list? Well, I haven't named EVERYTHING but the number one thing that is missing is.... A BLACK MAN... friend/lover/husband/boyfriend/bff... WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT! Is this so much to ask? I mean, all black men are hot so all I'm really asking for is a black male to be in my life. Am I supposed to put an ad in the personals for this? It would say something like this: Female, age 20, searching for male, black, age anything... or something along those lines. I've decided to document my findings in this situation; meaning, every single time I come in contact with a black man, you fine people will know about it. IF I'M EVER THINKING ABOUT A BLACK MAN... you will know about it. With that being said, I'm thinking about a black man right now, the boy in my Africa class to be exact. Even though he hasn't been in class for the last three weeks, my heart still yearns for him. Do not judge me for this because you all know how much you want a black man in your life. AND SO, my search for a black man begins... or continues since I have been looking for him since the beginning of time.

DIRTY PHIL'S CAN'T GET ANY DIRTIER

You and I both know how much I love Dirty Phil's but, let's be serious here for a second, I think DP has lost its magic. OKAY I TAKE THAT BACK. The magic is still there, but not as strong as it used to be. I realized last night how DIRTY it actually is. I'm pretty sure the smell is never going to leave my nostrils; a mixture of booze and B.O. captures the pure essence of the lovely bar, Dirty Phil's. The other times I have been at Phil's, I loved it, like absolutely was in love with it. After last night, I found out why it is called "Dirty Phil's". For starters, as soon as you open the door, there is a smell that is completely indescribable to those who have never been to Phil's. Once you go down the stairs, passed the stripper poles, that's right, I said stripper poles, you have entered a world that is only enjoyable when extremely, EXTREMELY intoxicated. Now, I'm not saying that the only way that you will enjoy Phil's is if you are so fucked that you don't even know who you are, all I'm saying is that... actually, that is EXACTLY what I am saying. I guess I wasn't as drunk last night as I have been the previous times I have spent my night at Phil's. A pro to spending your drunken night at Phil's is the fact that drinks are $2.25 there. SO, in the long run, Phil's saves you money, even though you may spend years trying to get rid of that horrible smell, it's totally worth it. Another good thing about the drinks being so cheap is that if you accidentally drop them on the floor, it's not as depressing as dropping a five dollar rum and coke. Number of drinks I have dropped on the floor at Phil's: four. BUT, I'm totally fine with that because of how cheap they were. Dropping four drinks at any other bar? TWENTY DOLLARS DOWN THE DRAIN. Dropping four drinks at Phil's? You are basically getting free money. After all of this, I'm beginning to love Phil's again. I mean, who wouldn't love it? Cheap drinks, stripper poles, bathroom stalls without locks on them AND a sick tattoo that you get at the beginning of the night saying the day of the week that you went there. So, I guess what I'm trying to say to all those haters of Phil's, don't knock it till you've tried it, unless you've tried it then you know exactly what I'm talking about.