WARNING: EXPLICIT SALSA CONTENT

I would like to share one of my worst drunken experiences with you. This actually happened about three years ago at a friend's birthday party in the summer. I was trashed, completely trashed to the point that my friends made me play flip cup with water but I didn't know that until the day after. So, it was a cool June evening and I was wearing my new summer dress that I bought for the party (somewhat important part of the story). Anyways, a bunch of us were hanging out in this field and there was this girl who started puking everywhere. So, I go over to comfort her, hold her hair back, you know, the thing that good friends do, ask her if she's okay and if she wants some water... and then... BAM the next thing I know, I'm on the ground. This is when I start rolling around and laughing to my friends saying, "GUYS, GUYSSSSS... I'm rolling around in salsa! WHY is there SALSA on the ground?"... and as I've told you before, I'm the biggest drunk dialer that ever existed so, obviously I'm on my phone leaving my friend a message telling her all about how I'm rolling around in salsa and wondering why there was salsa on the ground. So, my friends just started laughing at me and I had no idea what the fuck was so funny and was STILL confused as to why I was taking a bath in salsa. To this day, their laughter haunts my dreams. You're probably wondering what that "BAM" was before I hit the ground. Well, the puker PUNCHED ME IN THE FACE... and I hit the ground, my nose starts bleeding and I'm rolling around in salsa... EXCEPT it WASN'T salsa... that's right...... IT WAS PUKE. SO, at this point in time, I'm some drunk bitch who just got punched in the nose, rolling around in someone else's puke and getting blood all over the place. AND, to top all of this off, during the night I mysteriously cut open my finger, it gets infected the next day, swells and I have to go to the doctor's and explain to him that I don't remember how I got the cut because I was drunk.... and he puts me on antibiotics because the cut is so bad. The next morning, I woke up to puke and blood all over my dress wondering what the fuck happened the night before. Well, at least I wasn't rolling around in dog shit... oh no, wait... THAT HAS ALSO HAPPENED TO ME. You think your friends would help you out when you're rolling around in either dog shit, puke, blood or even actual salsa.... but no. Don't worry, I have learned my lesson and will never trust anything that is pretending to be salsa again.